I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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