I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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