Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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