I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My penis needs a shock collar
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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