and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
