brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
