she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my poor anus
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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