So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
