when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we made out on top of his cat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
