i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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