where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize