covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
