so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
