this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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