There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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