A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
