I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
