Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
