arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
