So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
