I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
