i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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