Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
