The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
