he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Houston, we have a blender
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
