Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize