Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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