I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
