the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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