can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
