jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
