Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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