There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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