My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize