i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
