Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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