My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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