wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
