why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
