We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
