i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
