Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
