omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads