remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?