can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.