The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.