there's paper in my vomit.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.