u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.