i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I just sharted jello shots
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