awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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