I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
