I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
