Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
