this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to make out with him forever
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
