can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
