I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
