Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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