When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
