I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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