he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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