All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
