If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize