So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
