I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
