it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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