Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
