It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dicks are not precious.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
