wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
